All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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