who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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