Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
