Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
