How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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