i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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