i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
