Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
