once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
