My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
