We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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