are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize