I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
