Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
