it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
