accomplished twins. life is a go
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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