Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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