I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
