i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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