Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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