Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(770): View more from Georgia

Tell her she's as useless as a condom.

Fav 37 1308 2782
share tweet
(734): View more from Michigan

I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.

Fav 12 4111 930
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(510): View more from California

well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it

Fav 16 5004 1227
share tweet
(626): View more from California

i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen

Fav 4 3244 1308
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(504): View more from Louisiana

You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.

Fav 16 5023 1449
share tweet
(61): View more from Australia

Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.

Fav 5 1031 2533
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(530): View more from California

Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine

Fav 37 2536 4528
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(720): View more from Colorado

The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.

Fav 0 14 30
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(217): View more from Illinois

Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?

Fav 1 47 6
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT