Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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