how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
