what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
