2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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