Where is the hickey?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
