ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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