im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
