i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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