I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
