Nicole vs. Life
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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