Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
