watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
