Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
