He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
