somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
bring money and cleavage
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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