i already hear my dad disowning me
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
