i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
