sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
