If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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