I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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