I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
