the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
