i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize