covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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