I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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