Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
