mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
