haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
