I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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