she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
