making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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