they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
