she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
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OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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