This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
