I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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