I faked an abortion last night.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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