I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
