So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
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i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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