Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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