no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He has the fingertips of a God
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
