I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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