Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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