____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
